It’s a natural tendency of human nature to not like being told what to do. The only thing we dislike more is being told how we should feel. And let’s face it — it seems as though, from late October on, we are being bombarded by messages of celebration, happiness, and joy — directing us to all feel celebratory, happy, and joyful.

All of this merriment and mirth is fine, as long as we are in a psychological place to experience it. However, it needs to be recognized that there are many of us for whom such is not the case. Whether it is loss, financial instability, relationship issues, or simply “not feeling it,” for some folks this is far from the “most wonderful time of the year.” What makes things worse is to be inundated with messages implying that there is something wrong with us for feeling the way we do, which only serves to compound the psychological assault!

So, how should this be handled? First and foremost, we need to accept that there should never be any rules for how anyone should feel. Second, and perhaps equally important, is that our feelings — regardless of what they are — should always be respected!

Simply stated, it is perfectly okay to be less than festive. Indeed, it is perfectly okay to be sad, angry, miserable, or to feel nothing at all. Whereas this statement is universally true at all times, we often need to be reminded that it is also true during the holiday season.
If you are the one who is not quite in the holiday spirit, don’t try to force things! Spend the season as you choose, knowing that it is perfectly fine for you to do so. Take emotional care of yourself however you see fit without any apologies or guilt. Remember that nobody knows what you need better than you do, and give yourself the gift of attending to those needs, whatever they might be.

Some additional advice — do not use this time to start that diet, begin that new exercise regimen, clean out that cluttered closet, or put your house on the market. This is a time to be gentle and kind to yourself — and not the time to prove to the world (or yourself) what you can accomplish.

Finally, pretending that your feelings do not exist is not a good long-term solution. It may ease the pain temporarily, but will only make things worse down the road. I often speak to my patients about the magical AARC of feelings:

  • ACKNOWLEDGE they exist
  • ACCEPT you are feeling what you feel
  • RESPECT your need to feel as you do
  • CARE for yourself accordingly

Allow your holidays to be whatever you need them to be!

Dr. AmyBeth Taublieb is a licensed WNY psychologist, author, media personality, and public speaker, who with an active private psychotherapy practice assessing individuals, couples, and families. To make an appointment with Dr. Taublieb, call 716-834-1505 or visit www.dramybeth.com.