By Amy Beth Taublieb, PhD

While many parents view adolescence as the most difficult stage of parenting, others may experience significant emotional struggles once their children mature into adulthood. It can be hard to negotiate the myriad interactions with our offspring when we are forced to do so in an adult-to-adult context. Of course, we are all intellectually aware that the primary goal of parenting is to raise independent, mature adults, but it isn’t always easy to internalize that emotionally.

The most common problems I hear about from individuals I see in counseling center on time and access to adult children and grandchildren, details regarding holiday and birthday celebrations, interactions with in-laws, parental role reversal situations, religious practices and customs, conflict among siblings, financial issues, and much more. Every family has psychological triggers that rear their ugly heads — often at the worst possible times.

There is also the awkward issue regarding roles. How many arguments include some variation of the following: “I don’t care how old you are — I still am your mother!” Or in reverse, “Dad, don’t you realize I am not a kid anymore?” While both of these statements are typically true, they often intensify arguments rather than make things better.

At the risk of sounding Freudian, most of these adult child and parent issues stem from unresolved problems that occurred many years prior. Indeed, much of what is being argued about is actually due to leftover psychological baggage for which closure was never achieved. That is why the same arguments (often in different forms) keep resurfacing over and over again.

The answer to all of this is to be honest with yourself regarding what you are actually angry about. More often than not, the words being uttered are simply masking the true source of the hostility. Of course, since we are human, it is not always that easy to recognize the underlying sources of these disputes.

It is often helpful to enlist the services of a mental health professional who has expertise in family dynamics. One or two such appointments with such a clinician are typically sufficient to guide individuals in the right direction so that the true issues can be identified and then addressed. Remember, it is always easier (and healthier) to be happy than to be miserable!

Dr. Amy Beth Taublieb is a licensed psychologist, author, media personality, and public speaker, who has an active private Western York providing psychotherapy and assessments for individuals, couples, and families. Learn more and contact her directly for an article idea or an appointment at 716-834-1505. Learn more about Dr. Taublieb at www.dramybeth.com.