By Amy Beth Taublieb, PhD
In our culture, the birth of a child is truly a joyous occasion. Announcing the pregnancy to those close to us, followed by the gender reveal, baby shower, and preparation of the nursery, are all significant events leading to the day the little one arrives.
Unfortunately, what society does not often acknowledge and celebrate are the less than positive feelings parents can often experience. It is typical for new parents to be bombarded by messages of how this should be one of the best times of their lives. However, it is also quite common for their emotions to be anything but joyful. Suddenly, faced with a new lack of freedom, increasing demands on an already overextended schedule, reduced sleep, a limited ability to socialize, feeling incompetent in assuming a new role, financial concerns, and changes in patterns of sexual intimacy can be overwhelming. Keep in mind that all of these changes are superimposed over a multitude of other requirements that surround adulthood. Despite the benefits associated with parental leave, life continues to move along, bringing with it all of its demands.
Often, new parents suddenly feel out of control – not a pleasant feeling, especially for adults who have taken pride in how they have managed their lives until now! Is it any wonder that anger, frustration, and sadness may result? Unlike the condition known as postpartum depression, what we are speaking about here is experienced by both adoptive and biological parents, dads, as well as moms.
The problem isn’t the mix of emotions, which are actually normal. The real problem the pervasive belief that feelings inconsistent with absolute joy are abnormal. Interestingly, if any other event disrupted a person’s life to the extent that welcoming a newborn does, we wouldn’t question our emotions. However, when the drastic change in life’s routines is associated with a birth, our society is not consistent in acknowledging and supporting any emotions other than the most positive as being natural. As a result, individuals struggling with these difficult emotions often feel ashamed, embarrassed, and even scared. It is also why new parents refrain from seeking available support, believing their feelings are unnatural and indicative of having a mental illness, or convinced that they are bad people.
It is so important that new parents, family members, friends, and clinical professionals honor these feelings and understand that they are normal. As with all significant life changes and stressful reactions, the answer does not come in a medication bottle. It comes with true compassion, understanding, support, and the ability to unashamedly reach out to find coping strategies. Doing so can help better ensure the true joy of welcoming a new baby!
Dr AmyBeth Taublieb is a Licensed Psychologist, and well-known professional in Western New York. She is an author, media personality, and public speaker, and has an active private practice performing psychotherapy and assessments for individuals, couples, and families. Contact Dr. Taublieb at 716-834-1505, or refer to her website at www.dramybeth.com.
