A Time of Remembrance – Grief and Loss amidst Winter’s Chill
By Abigail Unger
During periods of difficulty, distress or challenge we often seek comfort and solace in our interpersonal relationships and cherished community connections. During the holidays we are accustomed to finding ourselves surrounded by the love and warmth of family and friends. We cherish the depth and beauty of these connections and attribute meaning to our shared traditions and rituals. We anticipate togetherness, celebration, comfort, laughter, and joy. For those who are grieving or have a seriously ill loved one, the holidays can magnify the realities of our loss or heighten the recognition of an impending loss. For all of us, experiencing the loss of togetherness and routine social interpersonal engagement, the challenges at this time are further compounded. The festivity of the season and the anticipation of a new year can trigger a whirlwind of emotions and internal responses. It may seem impossible to imagine maneuvering through festivities and rituals and the winter’s chill amidst an overwhelming sense of loss knowing things are not and will not be as they once were.
Rabbi Adam Scheldt, Director of Spiritual Care at Hospice & Palliative Care Buffalo, says, “Just as the seasons and weather change, I find that my mind and thinking also change. The darkness of winter’s chill naturally pushes our minds into a space where we think about those events in our lives that mirror cold and darkness. Past hurts and losses often effortlessly rise to the forefront of our minds. And the winter holidays, times when society tells us we are supposed to be happy and with family and friends, can make the absence of a friend or family member even more poignant. When these feelings arise, it is helpful to look both inward and outward. Looking inward offers the opportunity to pause, take a helpful breath, and take stock of our emotions and our thinking. Looking outward helps to understand the supports potentially available to us and so that we can begin seeking them out. Even just trying to look inward and outward can let you know how you are doing. Is it easy to look within? When you look outside yourself, how do you feel? Depending on what you find and notice, you can begin to chart a helpful and healing way forward.”
How do we remember and honor our loved one as we struggle to cope with our grief while simultaneously struggling to reconcile our modified lives? Consider options to both maintain the old and create new traditions. Remember that there is no manual, no right or wrong, nor any template from which you should mold your grief or your holiday. Gathering together with others in remembrance can ease the isolation of grief and be a touchstone of outward support. Engaging in opportunities to nourish ourselves in inward reflection can foster resilience.
Hospice & Palliative Care Buffalo invites the community to our Winter Solstice Time of Remembrance, a virtual program on Sunday December 20 at 4:30 pm. Please visit www.WilsonSupportCenter.org for more information.
Abigail Unger is Vice President of Psychosocial Services, Hospice & Palliative Care Buffalo.
