By Annette Pinder
There is no better time than June, during National Men’s Health Month, and also when we celebrate Father’s Day, to feature Antoine Johnson on our cover. Antoine is Director of the Buffalo Fatherhood Initiative at Buffalo Prenatal-Perinatal Network (BPPN). It is a program that provides men of all ages with tools to become better fathers.
Antoine’s life experience gave him significant insight into the important skills that help fathers, father figures, and young men who hope to become fathers someday, serve as role models for their children, families, and communities. He says, “Growing up on Buffalo’s East Side, my mom and I moved around a lot. Mom had me when she was only 18 years old, when she was just a kid herself. She lacked stability, family support, and struggled financially. We lived on public assistance and found housing wherever we could, based on the benefits to which we were entitled. It wasn’t easy, and we also encountered significant landlord prejudice.”
Antoine had minimal involvement with his father while growing up. “My parents’ relationship was toxic, unstable, and verbally and physically abusive. Other than the occasional weekend trip with my father, or having him buy me some clothes, I didn’t really see him. He was also just a kid. Neither of my parents were prepared to handle the responsibility of a child.” Reflecting on his parents’ choices, he says, “They were looking for love in all the wrong places.”
Despite their hardships, Antoine’s mom had high expectations for him, and did not want him to make the same mistakes she did. Antoine says, “Going to college was a given. It was an expectation, and I didn’t have a choice.” So, after graduating from McKinley High School, Antoine received a degree from University at Buffalo in Health and Human Services. An only child, Antoine now has siblings through his mother’s marriage to a man who he says is truly a blessing, and who has become an important role model in his life. Proud of his own accomplishments, he says, “I am now one of only three young people in my family who has gone to college.”
Antoine’s father-in-law, a senior pastor at Edison Street Community Church, is another person who has positively impacted his life, and led him to enrolling in a fatherhood program at a church in Rochester. He says, “Taking the fatherhood course in Rochester helped me overcome unresolved feelings I had toward my own father, and also helped me transition into my role as Director of the Buffalo Fatherhood Initiative at BPPN.”
Antoine explains that the Buffalo Fatherhood Initiative consists of 1) The Mentoring Father’s Project, which helps young fathers ages 18 to 24 become better dads and community members; 2) Financial Peace University, which helps men learn about budgeting, pay off debt, and understand the importance of becoming financially secure; and 3) Nurturing Fathers, a free 13-week nationally-recognized training course that focuses on the ins and outs of being a reliable parent and nurturing caregiver. Nurturing Fathers addresses the roots of fathering; ways to nurture yourself and your children; how to father sons and daughters; discipline without violence; playing with children; managing anger and resolving conflict; teamwork with spouses and partners; balancing work and parenting; communication and problem-solving; cultural influences; dealing with feelings; and more.
Antoine is integrating much of what he teaches into his own fatherhood experience. He and his wife, Simone, have a daughter, Isabella, who is 3, and a son, Nathan, who is 9 months. Antoine says he is becoming accustomed to being inconvenienced, stepping up when one of the children is ill, getting less sleep, and sharing household responsibilities. He describes the experience of fatherhood as joyful and magical. He also is learning how children become socialized at an early age to prepare themselves for motherhood and fatherhood, pointing to studies which show that both girls and boys who play with dolls make better mothers and husbands.
As Antoine crafts his own legacy, he and his wife are focused on embracing the values they cherish, in an effort to give their children the best possible lives. He tries to remember to not take himself too seriously, and to enjoy life’s experiences through a child’s eyes. As for advice he has for other parents, he says, “Give yourself grace. It’s all going to be okay, so don’t feel so pressured.”
Watch Antoine discuss the Buffalo Fatherhood Initiative on WBBZ-me-TV on Wednesday, June 14 at 8pm or Saturday, June 17 at noon on WBBZ-me-TV Channel 5 or 67, and learn more about getting involved by calling 716-884-6711.
