by Rion B. Kweller, Ph.D.
Many of us have experienced loss in our lives. Someone we care about is injured, becomes sick or even dies. On occasion, that unfortunate passing comes too soon, as if ever there is a good or better time to go. It is especially tragic when a child is lost. Perhaps there is nothing worse.
Why mention all this sadness? First, it is important to find appropriate ways to grieve. Acknowledging the loss and sadness is normal and expected, but getting stuck in these feelings can become a prison of its own.
When some of these intense feelings hit us, they can be overwhelming. After a bit, though, it is helpful to try to reestablish a routine, to begin to see friends and resume everyday activities. Sometimes, there is a tendency to withdraw, to isolate and even become angry and bitter when it seems like others may have forgotten or do not understand. The sad reality is that in grief we are all alone, even if we grieve with others.
There is no “right” way to mourn and no time frame when things should be back to normal. Eventually, normal is good and, at times, normal can even be a comfort. Getting back to a routine provides structure. It creates a path when we feel lost to know what to do and how to do it. Getting back to routines doesn’t require a tremendous amount of thought or difficult decisions, and is often a relief to many.
Grief is very personal. People approach loss in their own unique way, and that way needs to be respected. It is natural to try to ease the pain when someone is suffering. Often, we feel helpless and at a loss. While there may be no magic words, time spent together, a compassionate hug, and simply being available to talk can mean so much, and have a positive impact.
The bereaved may ask, “How can life go on?” But it can, and it must. Finding ways to move forward are important steps towards acceptance and peace. Each loss is also an opportunity to celebrate the lives that remain. Our resilience can be remarkable, but it is not guaranteed.
Spring is often seen as a time for renewal and rebirth. It is a time filled with possibility. The challenge in any life transition is to view difficult situations as opportunities filled with possibility, even if one enters into them with a heavy heart. Celebrating life in no way lessens the loss or diminishes the value of the person who may be gone. Rather, a goal-directed life full of curiosity and giving to others can help. Also, acknowledging and appreciating what one has and what is good in each moment contributes to moving toward a life of happiness and fulfillment.
We all deal with grief and loss. Bereavement can be overwhelming at times, but knowing that life is there when we are ready is the key to healing. We just have to be ready to embrace it.
About the Author:
Rion B. Kweller, Ph.D. is an Executive Life Coach and a Licensed Clinical Psychologist in Williamsville, NY. His websites are iplanforsuccess.com and bhnet.org. To reach Dr. Kweller call (716) 634-1184 or e-mail him at rion@iplanforsuccess.com.
