By Matthew Royse

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.” — Lao Tzu, a Chinese philosopher and writer

Having helpful tools in your communication toolkit can significantly affect how to handle rude people. Responding with composure, class, and civility demonstrates strength. Here are 10 effective phrases designed to defuse tense situations, promote understanding, and steer conversations toward constructive outcomes.

  1. I understand you are frustrated, but would appreciate it if we could discuss this calmly. This acknowledges the person’s emotions and sets a boundary for respectful communication, shows empathy, and a willingness to engage in constructive dialogue.
  2. I’m sorry you feel that way. Can you please help me understand your perspective? This response displays empathy, genuine interest in understanding the other person’s point of view, and shifts the conversation from confrontation to collaboration.
  3. I don’t respond well to that type of language. Could you please rephrase and start over? This sets a boundary regarding what you feel is acceptable communication, allowing the other person to adjust their approach without escalating conflict.
  4. Let’s take a step back for a second. What’s the core issue you’re concerned about? Refocusing the conversation on the underlying problem rather than emotional reactions demonstrates your willingness to address the real issues.
  5. I want to address your concerns, but first, we must communicate respectfully. You validate their concern but set clear expectations for the conversation, and willingness to engage with mutual respect.
  6. I hear the frustration in your voice. What do you think would be a good solution? Validating the other person’s emotions shifts the focus to problem-solving, and finding a resolution rather than continuing the conflict.
  7. That comment was hurtful. I’m willing to continue this conversation when we can speak civilly. Directly addressing inappropriate behavior leaves the door open for further communication, setting clear boundaries and expectations for respectful dialogue.
  8. We got off on the wrong foot. Can we please start again? Offering a reset button for the conversation allows both parties to approach the issue in a new way. It acknowledges that the interaction hasn’t been ideal without placing blame.
  9. I value our relationship, so I don’t want it damaged by any misunderstandings. Emphasizing the importance of the relationship helps go beyond the current conflict, shifting focus from tension to the broader context of your connection.
  10. I’m committed to finding a solution that works for both of us. How can we work together on this? Showing the other person your dedication to resolving the issue collaboratively moves the conversation from confrontation to cooperation.

These simple powerful phrases help in handling rude behavior, deescalating tension, empathizing with another person, setting clear boundaries, and redirecting the conversation constructively. They also help you maintain your integrity, refrain from rudeness, and earn others’ respect.

Matthew Royse is a Duke University digital marketing instructor, digital marketing expert, visionary thinker, and professional speaker with extensive marketing experience. Learn more at matthewroyse.com.