By Mercedes Wilson

I am learning how to live. That sounds strange, I know, especially since I’ve been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I first beat cancer in 2012, when I was just 28. But this diagnosis felt different, like a pattern of some sort was forming. Scans taken on my 42nd birthday at Roswell confirmed my breast cancer had spread to my bones, left lung, liver, parts of my skull, and lymph nodes.

For nearly a year, I endured pain in my left arm and hip, unaware it was cancer. Plagued by a persistent cough, my primary care physician, Dr. Shahla Ahmad, sent me for scans that revealed the cancer. I juggled a small business, a job at a local tv station, being a mom of four, and a struggling marriage. I was suffocating behind my public smile. This time, I needed more than physical healing; I needed a “living plan.” A trusted mentor and doctor urged me to see a therapist, sensing there was more beneath the surface. My first therapy session was November 4, 2024, and my cancer treatment began on November 7. The battle commenced.

My heart was shattered in one million pieces, tears were endless, and I found myself planning my funeral. How could I leave such young children behind? I wanted to be around to watch them flourish, experience grandchildren, and have a ton more Sunday dinners. I wanted to experience my marriage in a different way, grow old with my husband, and travel as empty nesters. How could it all be over now? I have so much left to give.

But then something miraculous happened. My doctors, family, friends, church, and community rallied around me with overwhelming love and support. It felt like everyone suited up with me for this battle. My doctors — Dr. Shahla Ahmad at the Community Health Center of Buffalo, Dr. Emmekunla Nylander at Buffalo Ob/Gyn, Dr. Ellis Levine and the nurses at Roswell Park, Dr. Azka Ali of Cleveland Clinic, and my therapist all spoke a common theme — “It isn’t over!” Dr. Ahmad helped me change my diet (I still eat chocolate!), and encouraged me to work out 30 minutes a day. I started hormonal therapy, which puts my body into full-blown menopause, and helps stop new cancer cells from developing. The side effects were initially difficult — sleeplessness, night sweats, digestive issues, and hot flashes. In December 2024, I underwent a week of radiation for my affected bones. My providers and I access the same portal to assess my progress and communicate with one another.

Still, my emotions and body continued screaming for attention due to inflammation, stress, and 30 years of trauma. I had to change and heal my internal environment in order to live. During my therapy sessions, which were initially three times a week, we delved into my trauma, tracing a line to my present. My nervous system, hijacked since age 12, was in constant fight or flight mode. Despite being triggered from all directions, I was learning to recognize and confront my past experiences. After a couple of months, I began to experience peace. After a few months I was breathing better, the cough disappeared, and the bone pain improved significantly. The peace I experience from prayer and meditation has surpassed anything I can ever understand. I realized that my past couldn’t continue to control my present, and I know that I am the only one who can take responsibility for that.

My tests went from possible progression and a growing tumor on my liver, to a treatment response that showed healing and shrinkage of the spots in my liver and elsewhere. The process is in full force! Dr. Ahmad constantly reminds me that I have a choice — to let the diagnosis control and consume my life, or to rise above it to live with strength and purpose, while letting this be only a chapter of my story. She reminds me that my mental outlook will profoundly influence, not only my physical health, but also the course of my cancer, and she is right. I’ve learned to prioritize my well-being, face my fears, and find strength in vulnerability. The love and support from my community has been a lifeline, reminding me that who I surround myself with means EVERYTHING! What I speak, think, eat, listen to, and put my energy into matters. I am committed to living fully and fearlessly. I have experienced too much to go back now!

Find Mercedes on Facebook at Mercedes.holloway.1 and at mercedeswilson on Instagram.